


I Don't Believe in Lovin' with a Ball and Chain

by BlackBat09



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood, F/M, Knotting, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-04-12 16:59:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4487532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackBat09/pseuds/BlackBat09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For years, Rooster Teeth has been home, safety, pack. One little fight couldn't change all that, could it?<br/>Ray's less sure about his place at RT with every passing day, no matter how Joel tries to convince him that things are okay.<br/>Geoff doesn't know what to do when he sees disappointment in Jeremy's eyes, especially when Michael starts giving him the cold shoulder, too.<br/>Burnie's just trying to hold everyone together, not realizing that the person he holds most dear might be slipping through his fingers.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Didn't Mean It

**Author's Note:**

> Finally getting my A/B/O verse up and running! I promise, it won't all be angst; but do heed the warnings, please!  
> All of this has been Beta'd by the lovely [ibelieveinmarknutt](http://archiveofourown.org/users/IbelieveinMarkNutt/pseuds/IbelieveinMarkNutt), who is the best bae in the universe for putting up with me.

Joel Heyman is having a bad day from the moment he wakes up.

It just feels like more of a chore than usual, partially due to the loneliness of his bed when he rolls over and reaches for Ray only to remember the lad’s home in his own apartment, but mostly just because his brain apparently decided that today was gonna suck. That general feeling carries over to the rest of his morning: he gets shampoo in his eyes during his shower, misses his cup as he pours his coffee and ends up having to clean off his countertops, and has to turn around halfway to work because, of course, he forgot his phone.

It’s Thursday. Thursdays shouldn’t be this bad.

By the time he does get in, Joel’s confronted with the knowledge that someone has lost all the footage from the last How To they recorded. Joel knows it wasn’t him; he wasn’t editing this week’s episode, mostly because he hates the game they played, and his seniority means that he can shove the editing work off on the younger men who work in his office. Those men are arguing when Joel arrives, getting increasingly louder as they try to pass around blame, even quiet, level-headed Beta Matt starting to go red in the face, though nowhere near as ruddy as the two Alphas he’s arguing with.

“That’s enough!” Joel finally snaps, a snarl of command in his voice that draws the attention of all three, who bare their necks slightly under his glare. “Look, I don’t- I don’t care who lost the damn footage, okay? No matter what, we’ve still gotta record again, so how about we set up, play the damn game, and quit fuckin’- acting like children?” Matt and Jeremy quickly nod, only Adam pursing his lips and glaring a little before giving in to Joel’s rarely-used ‘Alpha voice’.

Good. They drive him nuts, all three of them. Whoever managed to lose every single copy of the footage is careless and, dare he say, a fucking moron; even Joel knows to make backups of your backups, and he’s notoriously bad with technology, especially compared to these young pups half his age. He’s tense through the whole re-record, the slight pressure at the base of his skull and the sparkly little dots that dart in and out of his vision alerting him to a migraine coming on, which is just absolutely what he needed today. God, Joel hates his brain sometimes. When they finally finish, he makes sure to save a copy of everyone's footage and audio onto his own hard drive, because he refuses to let it all get lost again. Adam settles into his desk to start the edits while Matt and Jeremy get ready to head over to Achievement Hunter for... whatever it is they need to do over there.

Joel asks Matt to say hi to Ray for him: he’d do it himself, but the dull pressure that’s slowly becoming a throb will only be aggravated by the chaos of the AH office, and Jeremy would no doubt be too busy with his mates pass on a message. Once they leave, Joel pulls a bottle of migraine-strength painkillers from his desk, swallowing two dry with a grimace and a shudder. Adam graciously agrees to turn off the overhead lights, and Joel pulls his hood up, lays his head down on his desk, and tries to sleep off the impending headache.

Only about twenty minutes of wavering consciousness pass before a tentative tap on the shoulder has him lifting his head, Adam’s warm cinnamon scent almost overpowering in Joel’s current precarious state.

“Uh, Joel? Someone wants to talk to you,” the young Alpha says, bushy brows knitting as his mouth twists into a little frown. The ferocity of Adam’s discomfort is baffling until Joel peers around the younger man’s bulk, discovering just what’s making him that way: a very annoyed-looking Geoff, leaning in their doorway with his arms crossed.

Great. Just what Joel needs today.

“I can leave, if you two need to talk?” Adam ventures, but Joel shakes his head, which just worsens its aching.

“Nah, I need to stretch my legs, anyway.” Joel’s nonchalant as he stands, even though the room seems to spin around him and black spots join the sparkles dancing in front of his vision. God, this is gonna be awful. It’s been a long time since his auras were this bad. Slowly, carefully, he walks to Geoff, Adam’s worried cinnamon replaced by a wall of angry burnt ozone that means something really has Geoff’s boxers in a bunch. “You wanna head somewhere private for this?”

Geoff nods curtly, the tattooed Alpha leading Joel to the empty podcast set, where he just stands, looking at Joel with hard eyes. Joel waits for a few moments, feeling slightly woozy, and decides that it’s probably for the best to get this over with quickly. “What’s going on, Geoff?”

“You need to watch how you talk to my mate,” the man growls, and for a moment, Joel’s at a loss. What is he talking about?

_Oh._

Oh, that.

“Is this about Jeremy? Earlier today? Because it fuckin’- it wasn’t anything personal, Geoff, it was just-” Geoff’s bright eyes seem to flash, the ozone scent intensifying until Joel feels like he might be sick.

“I don’t give a damn if it wasn’t anything personal; you don’t talk to one of my fucking mates like that.” Now Joel feels his own temper rising, his instincts responding to the snarl in Geoff’s words and the anger in his scent. He hates his body’s reaction, the posturing he can feel himself doing as he identifies his old friend as a threat, the way his own scent sharpens and a growl builds in his chest. But between the throbbing of his head and the fact that Geoff’s got it all _wrong_ , Joel has been pushed past the point of a calm, rational discussion.

“How about, you let your mate fuckin’ speak for himself?” Joel snaps, with a rage that surprises even him. Geoff tries to say something, but Joel barrels right over him, mind and mouth on autopilot. “If Jeremy had a fuckin’ problem with this morning, the kid could’ve said something to me his own goddamn self. And I wasn’t just talking to him, but I don’t see you bitching about how I snapped at Matt; what the fuck’s up with that, huh? What happened to your little Achievement Hunter _pack_ looking out for each other?” He’s up in Geoff’s face now, practically looming over his friend as the venomous words spill out of his mouth.

“Oh, oh, wait, that’s right; you don’t care about them all equally, do you? Y-you only give a shit about the ones who hang off your knot. Y’know, I don’t know what’s worse, that you ignored Jeremy before you decided you wanted to- t’fucking put your cock in him, or that you’ve treated him like an Omega since you mated him,” Joel sneers, ignoring the shock on Geoff’s face. “If it’d it been Michael, you probably would’ve let him fuckin’ handle it himself, huh? He’s your ‘little Alpha,’ right? How come, Geoff, how come your actual Alpha mate gets treated like he’s a backup or some shit, shoved away in my office, calling _me_ boss, and getting ignored unless you decide you’re bored of Michael and want your other _toy_?” The accusation is Geoff’s breaking point, the other Alpha grabbing ahold of Joel’s shirt and slamming him into the nearest wall.

“You listen to me, Heyman. Don’t you _ever_ fucking tell me how to treat my mates,” Geoff snarls, the air around them thick with angry Alpha pheromones, so potent Joel is surprised no one has shown up yet to break up the fight. The thought doesn’t last long as he flashes fang right back at Geoff, the man’s tattooed forearm pressing up against Joel’s clavicles in a way that makes every muscle in his body tense. Joel hates reverting to knothead behavior, but this day has pushed him to the brink and he’s more than ready to let his animal mind take over completely if it means relief.

So Joel lashes out, taking a swing that Geoff is meant to see coming so that the man will step back, his slight retreat enabling Joel to get out from under the claustrophobic press of his forearm and run for safety. He dodges between people in various states of surprise and confusion at the way he’s just sprinting, full tilt without a camera or fellow employees following him, ignoring any shouts of greeting or worry in favor of finding somewhere he can be alone.

He ends up in one of the recording booths, practically collapsing on the floor and scooting himself into the corner, the Alpha’s entire body trembling as he feels his back hit the soundproof padding on the wall, drawing his knees to his chest and pressing his face against his arm to try and stifle the too-loud sound of his own breathing. Joel’s trapped. Joel’s head hurts, and he just got into a fight with one of his closest friends, and he hasn’t seen his Omega all day, and he just- he just-

Vaguely, Joel realizes he’s hyperventilating, that his chest hurts and he’s shaking, but the rest of him is focused on his mistake, on how he’d snapped and become the very thing he didn’t want to be, the kind of Alpha that would turn on someone he cares about over a small misunderstanding. He’s a bastard, an asshole, the worst kind of person, and he wants to scream or cry, but he doesn’t want to be weak, and so he snaps his jaw shut to cut off the beginning of a sob.

His teeth sink into his arm, so detached from his body that he only realizes he’s done it after he bites down a few times and finds he can’t get his mouth to shut completely. Joel’s jaw drops as he pulls his arm from his face, shaking and staring at the bite marks in the tanned skin of his forearm as blood wells up from the deep punctures of his teeth.

It seems like a serious wound, he thinks. It should probably be looked at.

* * *

 

Joel's still staring at the bites when Barbara and Burnie burst into the room, Burns shouting at the Alpha woman to stay with Joel and get something on that arm before he runs off for Achievement Hunter, dialing 911 as he goes. “Yes, the Stage 5 building. Someone’ll meet you at the doors, one of our Alphas had a panic attack and hurt himself. Yeah. Okay, thank you,” Burnie finishes, ignoring the On Air light to walk into the Achievement Hunter office, everyone falling quiet before Michael pipes up.

“Burnie Burns, everybody!” the Omega says, Kdin turning her phone camera to Burnie only to be waved off as the Alpha goes straight for Ray.

“Ray, we need you. It’s Joel.” The lad immediately looks concerned, pulling his headphones from around his neck and tossing them to his desk. He’s about to stand when Geoff steps in, forced enthusiasm still on his face but an edge in his scent that makes Ray flinch and sink back into his seat.

“I’m sure it’s _really_ important, but we’re trying to film something here, Burnie, so Ray needs to stay.” There’s steel in his voice, that commanding edge that Geoff has always had, but Burnie’s an Alpha, too, and he’s certainly not about to be cowed by anyone when one of his best friends is bleeding on the floor of a sound booth.

He steps forward into Geoff’s space, forcing the tattooed man back as he stares him in the eyes. “You film shit weeks in advance, and Joel just had a fucking panic attack. He needs his mate a little more than you do right now, don’tcha think?” Geoff’s sleepy eyes go wide, shock and guilt flashing across his face as Ray scrambles to his feet behind him.

“Where is he?” Ray asks, a hard edge in his voice and his light peppermint scent turning heavy and artificial, almost overpowering in the small room. “Burnie, where’s Joel at, right now?”

“Sound booth A. Barb’s with him, he did something to his arm. Go,” Burnie urges, eyes still locked on Geoff, who looks like he might be sick as Ray runs from the room. He lowers his voice, making sure he has Geoff’s undivided attention. “I dunno what your problem is, Geoff, or why you look like you know what’s going on, but I’ll tell you this right now. Joel’s getting at least two weeks off to recover, and Ray will be going with him. So you’re gonna have to do without the kid, because his mate needs him.” His voice gets even quieter, a whisper between the two of them that he knows will hit home. “If you were really his pack Alpha, you’d be sympathetic to that.”

With that jab, Burnie turns on his heel and leaves, heading for the front door to lead the paramedics to Joel. The Alpha’s head is in his Omega’s lap when they get to the booth, Ray softly stroking his mate’s hair as Joel stares absently ahead, Barbara pressing a t-shirt against the nasty wounds on his arm and shooting sympathetic looks between the mates. Even the paramedics flinch when they remove the shirt from Joel’s arm, the overlapping bitemarks making it look as though he’s been mauled, and Ray bites his lip harshly as his mate doesn’t even stir.

“He’s in shock, we’ve gotta get him out of here,” one EMT mumbles, the other radioing that they do, in fact, need the stretcher for the unresponsive Alpha. It’s a few tense moments of Ray whispering to Joel, that he loves him and needs him and _please Joel, talk to me_ , but nothing works and Barbara has to gently remove Ray’s arms from his mate so Joel can be moved to the stretcher. He follows the paramedics to the ambulance as they load him in, flipping between begging and _demanding_ to be allowed in the ambulance, but they refuse the young Omega and close the doors, driving off as Burnie leads the lad to his own car.

“I’ll get you there, don’t worry about it. We’ve got you, and they’ve got Joel. It’s okay, Ray,” Burnie mumbled, herding Ray into the passenger’s seat and following the ambulance to Austin General. The Omega just stares out the window, jaw jumping, and it’s heartbreaking, to see the upset in the lad. Burnie can’t imagine what it’s doing to him; Gavin’s done some dumb shit to freak Burnie out, but this? This is on an entirely different level.

They pull up and go through the lobby, Burnie quietly explaining about Joel as Ray stands close behind him, clenching and unclenching his fists aimlessly, restlessly. The reception nurse lets them know that they’ve stopped the bleeding and stitched up Joel’s arm where they could, but he’s still in shock, that she’s sorry and she knows Ray’s his mate but that they can’t be allowed back yet, as Joel still needs a lot of attention. “Thank you, ma’am,” Burnie murmurs, arm around the silent Omega’s shoulders as they walk toward a secluded area of the lobby, sitting Ray down and then himself.

He’s surprised when Ray snuggles up to him, tucking his head into Burnie’s chest and pulling his wrist close to scent him, but it sort of makes sense; outside of Achievement Hunter, almost the entire building defers to Burnie as Alpha, and he often volunteered as a surrogate for unmated members of the company. Leaning his face into Ray’s hair, he scents him gently, smelling the nearly-nauseating mint soften as Ray calms in Burnie’s loose grip.

“He’s okay, Ray,” Burnie mumbles, though he isn’t really sure. “He’s gonna pull through for you. He loves you.” Ray gives a little nod in return, the youngest lad seeming even smaller than usual as he gently nuzzles Burnie’s arm.

They sit that way until a nurse comes to get them, leading them to a room no longer in the emergency ward. Joel lies in a hospital bed, arms strapped down, right one covered in bandages and left hooked up to an IV. His Omega pales at the sight, but steps into the room anyway, trembling under the gentle guiding hand Burnie has put on his shoulder.

“Joel?” Ray asks quietly, and the Alpha looks up at him slowly, shame written on his features as plain as the bags under his eyes. He gives Ray a small, sad smile, and that’s enough for the lad, who runs over to hug his Alpha, choking out words of love and relief between half-hysterical laughs. Burnie just watches, feeling not quite like an intruder but certainly an outsider, watching quietly as Ray litters kisses over Joel’s face, calling him an asshole before their lips fit together.

“I’m so sorry, Ray,” Joel mumbles, leaning his forehead against Ray’s and giving a testing tug at the bonds around his wrists, trying to hug the lad close. “I’m fuckin’ so sorry I did this to you, I just-” Another kiss from his Omega cuts him off, Ray holding Joel’s cheeks and staring him in the eyes when the desperate kiss breaks.

“Fuck you, don’t you dare apologize for an attack,” Ray snaps, a soft growl building in his throat when Joel opens his mouth to protest. “Do it again and I’ll punch you in the dick, don’t think I fucking won’t. I love you, Joel. Jesus, this isn’t your fault.” He tucks his face into Joel’s throat, nuzzling until Joel lowers his own face, eyes fluttering shut as he inhales Ray’s scent. It’s intimate to the point that Burnie turns his head away, letting the mates have as much privacy as they can get in what he assumes is a heavily-monitored hospital room. He hears a few soft mumbles, a little purr, and then a sigh.

“Thank you for bringing him, Michael,” Joel says softly, and Burnie glances back to give his friend a small smile, keeping his eyes on Joel's and having the decency not to look down at how Ray has curled up in the man's lap, leaning against his chest and scenting his throat.

“It’s no problem, man. You needed your mate,” he assures him. “By the way, you’ve both got two weeks off work, at the very least.”

“Geoff agreed to that?” Burnie meets Ray's eyes when he sits up straight in Joel’s lap, a quizzical look on his face that’s overshadowed by the discomfort and almost pain crossing Joel’s at the mention of the man’s name.

Something has to have happened with Geoff, something that Burnie will get out of the tattooed Alpha the next day at work if it kills him; there’s no way that the look of fright in Geoff’s eyes and the pain on Joel’s face aren’t related.

But for now, Burnie turns his attention to Ray, giving the Omega a bit of a grin. “Fuck Geoff Ramsey,” he tells the lad, earning him a tiny grin in return. “You two take as much fucking time as you need, I don’t wanna see your asses back in that building until you’re healthy as shit.” Ray nods enthusiastically, hopping off Joel’s lap to practically tackle Burnie with a hug.

“You’re the best, Burn man,” the young man tells him, trembling again as Burnie hugs him, looking over Ray’s head to see Joel’s weak smile and give him a thumbs-up. It’s the least he can do for his best friend and the man’s mate.

With Burnie and Ray’s promises that Joel will be in a stress-free environment and cared for over the next few weeks, Joel is released within a few hours with instructions on how to clean his stitches and two shiny new prescriptions, one for painkillers and another for an emergency anxiety medication.

Ray refuses to let go of his Alpha’s hand, tugging him into the back seat of Burnie’s car so that they can sit together, the lad tucked against Joel’s chest again and scenting his throat as Joel leans his face into Ray’s hair. At the office, Gavin and Adam are at the door with the two’s things, Joel reluctantly handing over his keys to Adam so the young Alpha can drive Joel’s car back to his apartment, Ray refusing to move so that Joel can drive himself.

It takes a while, but they finally get settled into Joel’s apartment, Ray giving only a distracted wave good-bye to their friends before he immediately drags Joel to the couch and sits the Alpha down, crawling once again into his lap to scent him.

“Hey, kitten,” Joel murmurs, carefully stroking Ray’s spine as the lad drags soft kisses over his throat. Ray hums in response to the nickname and the petting, mouthing at Joel’s scent gland and the silvery mark of their bond, subtle mint and lemon peels mingling in the still air of the apartment. It’s nice, having Ray in his arms again, the warm little lad grounding him after the stress of the day; a pleased rumble vibrates in his chest and is answered by a soft purr from Ray. “I love you, Ray.”

“Love you more, Joel,” Ray mumbles back, lapping over Joel’s scent gland in a way that makes the elder shiver. He slides his hands under Ray’s shirt to garner a shiver in return, the lad giggling and nipping softly at Joel’s throat at the feeling of Joel’s freezing fingers against his skin. “You’re a fuckin’ dick, though. With your cold-ass hands.”

Joel chuckles, leaning down to press kisses of his own across Ray’s neck and up to his jaw until he turns his face for their lips to meet. His fingertips press small circles into the lad’s back, feeling the tension in Ray’s muscles start to melt and letting himself relax as his mate does. It’s sweet and easy, the quiet intimacy between them that settles Joel’s mind and convinces him that, no matter what, everything will be alright.


	2. Now I'm the Guilty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The circumstances of Joel's attack come to light and drive a rift between mates. But things should be okay. Hopefully.

Achievement Hunter goes quiet after Ray leaves, the mood somber and tense, especially after the way Burnie and Geoff had clashed.

Their pack Alpha is the source of the most tension in the room, immediately pulling a bottle of whiskey from the shelf after Burnie leaves and collapsing into his desk chair with it, muttering to the room, “Do whatever, we’re not fucking recording.”

His usually-clean rain scent is stagnant and bitter, a smell that always reminds Michael of the murky little pools of standing water where mosquitos breed in the summer. It’ll be even more muddled with whiskey by the time they get home, he knows, and he exchanges a worried look with Jeremy, the younger man rubbing at his beard as his lips set in a thin line.

“Just give him a day, Michael. Joel’s an old friend, he’s gonna be cut up,” Jeremy murmurs.

Even as Michael nods, though, he knows neither of them are comfortable with how Geoff is drinking straight from the bottle and staring at his blank desktop, the dark circles under his eyes seeming to get deeper with every sip he takes.

At lunch, Jon slips into the room to pull Ryan from his chair, leading the exhausted-looking Alpha to the door where Miles is waiting, their third kissing Ryan gently and making him smile.

Gavin’s pacing the floor, radiating worry until Jack stands and offers to get lunch with him, the pack Beta’s hand on his shoulder drawing the Brit back to earth and helping to calm him down. They leave together, everyone else departed but Geoff and his two mates, both young men staring at their boss, their Alpha, with near-twin expressions of concern.

When Geoff finally does look up, his eyes are watery, slipping over Michael before he squints to focus on Jeremy. “I need to talk to you,” he rumbles, deep and serious, and Michael immediately knows this conversation is not for him.

“I’ll go pick up lunch,” he volunteers, getting up to press kisses to each of his mates’ mouths and forcing himself not to grimace at the stink of booze surrounding Geoff. “Love you guys.”

Geoff only nods, still focused on Jeremy, who replies to Michael with a small smile before the Omega escapes from the office.

“What’s up, boss?” Jeremy murmurs, taking a seat in Michael’s vacated chair to stare back at his mate, watching Geoff run a hand through his hair and tug at it slightly. The older Alpha sets the alcohol down and stands, fists flexing in agitation as he tries to get the words out.

“Do- have I-” He blows out a harsh sigh, looking around the room as if for some sort of divine inspiration before finally looking back at Jeremy, eyes manic, “Do I treat you like an Omega, Jeremy?”

The young Alpha looks baffled, bracing his arms on his knees as he stares back at Geoff curiously. “I- I don’t think so, no. Geoff- why would you think that?” He watches, confusion and concern twisting his features, as Geoff reaches up again to give his already-wild hair another sharp tug.

“It was Joel,” he replies, the name leaving his mouth almost disgustedly, sharp ozone managing to cut through the dank whiskey-water smell he was putting off in waves, “He said I didn’t care about Achievement Hunter, said I was a shit pack leader and that I treat Michael like an Alpha and you like an Omega and I just- I just-”

“Hold up.” Geoff turns to see Jeremy rising to his feet, a grim frown set on his face as he seems to puzzle over Geoff’s words. “Geoff, when did Joel say this?” The older Alpha is silent, regret flashing across his face as he turns his head away from his younger mate. “Geoff. When did you talk to Joel about this?”

“This morning,” he admits quietly, and there’s a soft, mournful noise in reply.

“Oh, _boss_ ,” Jeremy whispers, and the man forces himself to look up, heart breaking when he takes in the young Alpha’s face. He sees disappointment in Jeremy’s eyes and it kills him; he and Michael have had their fights, their falling-outs, but Jeremy has always looked at him like he’s the epitome of an Alpha, of a man, and to watch the boy’s face twist when he lifts a weak hand to reach for him makes Geoff feel like someone’s squeezing his heart too hard.

“Geoff, please. Please don’t tell me you went in there to pick a fight with Joel.” Jeremy’s voice is thick, as if he’s trying to hold back tears, and the cedar scent Geoff so loves smells of rotting wood and death.

“Jeremy,” he begins, but he realizes he has no idea what to say and just lets the young Alpha’s name fall, watching as the boy’s shoulders start to tremble.

“Geoff, I didn’t want you to stand up for me when I told you Joel snapped at us this morning. He seemed like he wasn’t doing good; I-I wanted you to talk to him. To _check_ on him,” Jeremy explains, and every word is another blow in the chest, the gut, and Geoff can’t breathe, gripping the back of his chair to keep himself steady as he feels drunken, remorseful tears spring up.

“Jeremy, baby, I’m _sorry_ -” he chokes out, but Jeremy’s shoulders are tense, just like the muscles in his jaw when he turns his face from Geoff, refusing to look at him. The way he turns inadvertently displays their bond bite, the muscles under the silvery scars from Geoff’s teeth jumping as the young man silently searches for words.

“You’re supposed to be his _friend_ , Geoff,” he says lowly, one hand clenching at his side as he rubs at his beard with the other. “I- Geoff, I don’t even know what to say. I need to-” He shakes his head, the disappointment and disillusionment in every movement hitting Geoff physically. “I’m gonna go find Michael.”

With that, the young Alpha leaves and Geoff collapses into his chair once more, putting his head in his hands to hopefully stop it from spinning. Jeremy- Jeremy’s disappointed in him. Jeremy _hates_ him, he just knows it. It’d been bad enough finding out Joel had an attack and hurt himself, knowing it was probably his fault, but _this_ \- this is one of his _mates_ , his sweet Jeremy, looking at Geoff like he doesn’t know the man anymore.

He feels like a monster. Worse, a knothead. How could he have jumped at one of his friends like that, been such a fucking asshole?

One of Geoff’s hands gropes for the whiskey without thought and he takes a heavy swallow, trying to wash away the sick taste of guilt on his tongue.

* * *

 

Jeremy waits outside the doors until Michael comes back, catching the Omega by the elbow and taking the bags of fast food from him as he guides him toward a quiet place in the office.

“What’s goin’ on, Jeremy?” Michael questions, the man’s scent giving off more distress than he’d ever smelled on him. Hands full, Jeremy can only reach up to brush a thumb across his jawline, but Michael recognizes the motion, the way Jeremy rubs at his beard when he’s uncomfortable or trying to figure something out.

“Geoff asked me if I thought he treated me like an Omega,” he explains softly, and Michael has to raise an eyebrow at that.

“He treats everyone like a fuckin’ Omega, dude. Mr. Big Pack Alpha, watching out for everyone. It’s annoying as shit sometimes.” But Jeremy still looks bothered, biting his lower lip for a second of deep thought.

“He only asked me that because Joel said it to him.”

“When did he talk to-” Michael stops, eyes widening as he stares down at Jeremy. “No. Not-?”

The younger nods.

“This morning, when I told him Joel was kinda pissy.” Jeremy swallows thickly, guilt etched on his face that the affectionate part of Michael wants to kiss away. “He went and picked a fight with Joel, instead of checkin’ on him.” A rush of fury aimed at Geoff overcomes any sympathy for Jeremy and Michael feels his fists curl, the gentle thrum of his heart beginning to pound in his ears.

“He fucking triggered Joel’s attack?” he hisses, watching as Jeremy gives a small shrug and an even smaller nod. “That stupid knotheaded _fuck_ is the reason Ray’s mate had to go to the hospital?!” Tucking the food under his arm, Jeremy frees up a hand to cup Michael’s cheek, but not even the warmth of his broad palm or the gentle rumble he starts up in his chest can abate Michael’s rage now.

“Michael, he didn’t mean it. He was trying to stand up for me, I shoulda been clearer with him-”

“ _Fuck_ that,” Michael spits, his light, sweet strawberry scent souring with anger. “I’ll fucking end him, Jeremy, I swear to god, I’ll tear that fucker to pieces. My _best fucking friend’s fucking mate-_!”

“Michael, babe, please,” Jeremy begs, but the Omega just pulls away and heads determinedly for the office, forcing Jeremy to jog after his mate, begging him to calm down.

Geoff flinches when the AH door bursts open, not looking up to see how Michael pushes into the room and makes a beeline for him, shoving him _hard_ in the chest and sending his chair rolling back.

“You knotheaded _cunt_ ,” Michael hisses, eyes cold and hard when Geoff finally does glance up at him, whiskey sapping the fight from the elder. “You fucking did this: you fucking hurt Ray’s mate, you hurt _Ray_ , you son of a bitch, and then you tried to keep him from Joel when you _knew_ what you fucking did!”

Geoff’s hands are shaking as he sets down the whiskey and rubs his nose on his hand, sniffing and swallowing as he looks away from his Omega. “Michael, I didn’t know he was going to hurt himself,” he says lowly, and next thing he knows, his cheek is stinging from a harsh slap, his weak excuse infuriating Michael to the point of violence.

“Don’t act like this isn’t your fucking fault,” the lad growls, nothing like the normal weak Omegan growl he’ll give in bed or during play fights. It’s full-throated and vicious, a menacing snarl that Geoff has never heard in all his years of working with and courting his Omega. “You triggered Joel. You _hurt_ Joel. And you hurt Ray. _Fuck you_.”

Michael spins on his heel and stalks from the room as Geoff stares forlornly at the floor, Jeremy looking between his mates before setting down their lunches and walking over to Geoff. He reaches out gingerly, wanting to touch and to soothe, but the older Alpha pulls back and shakes his head, eyes fluttering rapidly as thick tears leak down his cheeks.

“I fucked up, Jeremy,” he whispers, and, God, does that hurt Jeremy’s heart. “Go to Michael, baby. He needs you more than I do.” Jeremy purses his lips in thought before leaning in to brush one quick kiss over Geoff’s mouth, trying to convey that he’s not angry, just worried and confused and upset, but not mad at Geoff.

The elder just stares at his hands as Jeremy leaves to follow their raging mate.

Those hands shake as he picks up the whiskey bottle again and drains it.

* * *

 

“Michael, _please_ -”

“Jeremy, _fuck off_ ,” the Omega hisses back, trailing sour strawberry scent through the building that’s almost thick enough for Jeremy to see in the air as he follows his mate. Everyone who isn’t out to lunch moves out of Michael’s way, shooting Jeremy sympathetic looks as he trails after the Omega, begging for him to just stop and listen.

The lad only relents once he’s left the building, pacing the parking lot with curled fists, finally turning on Jeremy with tears in his eyes to snap, “ _What_?”

Jeremy holds his hands out in a placating manner, walking towards Michael slowly. “Michael,” he murmurs quietly, letting his mate collapse into his arms once he gets close enough and hugging him tightly. “Michael, babe, I’m here. I know you’re upset, but Joel and Ray are alright. They’re gonna be okay. I know you’re mad at Geoff, Mikey, it’s okay.”

The angry lad sobs against Jeremy’s broad shoulder, clutching and clawing at the back of his shirt as the younger Alpha holds him up by the waist. “Jer, _why_?” he cries, again tearing at Jeremy’s heart as he holds his mate close, cradling the Omega as his scent goes from sour to sickly sweet, like a rotting fruit left out in the sun. “Why would he do that? Why would he try to _hide_ it?”

“He didn’t know, babe,” Jeremy mumbles back, keeping one arm strong around Michael’s waist as he moves his other hand to pet through the Omega’s hair, sobs subsiding as his thick fingers rub Michael’s scalp and calm him. “He didn’t know how bad he’d screwed up, and we know Joel overreacts to shit sometimes. I’m not saying it was okay for him to yell at Joel or tell Ray not to go, but he just didn’t know.”

Michael sniffles quietly, his soft curls brushing Jeremy’s nose as he turns to kiss the side of Michael’s head. “Jer?”

“Yeah, Mikey?”

“I know you don’t want me to be mad at Geoff, but can I… Can I just stay at your apartment for a night? I just- I can’t go home with him right now,” the lad admits quietly, and it hurts Jeremy, having to be in the middle of Michael and Geoff like this, in the middle of his mates that he loves so damn much, but he knows how Michael’s temper can be. He knows that Michael only speaks up like this when things are truly bad. Pursing his lips in a thin line, Jeremy sighs before moving the hand on Michael’s hair to his face, tilting the Omega’s head up to capture his soft mouth in a gentle, reassuring kiss, pouring understanding into the press of lips and the way he cups his mate’s face.

When they break, Michael’s scent is closer to normal, the sweet air of strawberry making Jeremy rumble a purr in his chest that makes his Omega smile and chitter back.

“Thanks, Jer. I love you.” Jeremy just chuckles and pecks Michael again, shaking his head at the lad.

“I love you, too, Mikey, but we can't just make out in the parking lot all day,” he reminds Michael, laughing again when the Omega pouts and shove his head back into Jeremy’s shoulder, prompting him to stroke Michael’s hip and rumble soothingly at him. “You wanna go sit in the kitchen while I grab our lunches and check on Geoff?” A small nod is his answer, and he kisses Michael’s temple with a little sigh. “Alright, Mikey. I got it.”

“Thanks, Alpha,” Michael whispers, and as much as that appeals to Jeremy, stirs pride in his chest and makes him want to growl and hold his mate close, there’s a sick feeling in his gut at hearing Michael call him what’s usually reserved for Geoff. He can only hope that this fight ends quickly, because Jeremy doesn’t know how long he can put up with being caught between the two men he adores.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, this took forever. I'm sorry, I just- college, man. It's no excuse, I know, but college is hell for inspiration. Take this chapter, though, and with it a revised ship because I've recently developed a weakness for Jon Risinger. If you wanna talk about this or anything else RTAH, I'm at blackbat09 on tumblr!


	3. I'm Dragging and I'm Bleeding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ray have a few weeks off to relax and reconnect, away from Rooster Teeth and the stress of the outside world. It was supposed to make things better, and it did. Sort of. For a little while.

Joel feels like he’s losing his mind. Not that he doesn’t love being in his own home, with his mate by his side, but the pleasure of their solitude has quickly turned into cabin fever that he can hardly take. His head hurts more often than not, taking the pain pills the doctor prescribed him for his stitched-up arm when the pounding in his skull becomes unbearable and laying down with Ray in his arms to try and sleep away the ache.

But at least he has Ray. At least his mate is here, his sweet kitten, putting up with all his shit. God, Joel wished the lad didn’t have to deal with it, but he’d honestly rather Ray be here than not.

Like in the mornings, when Joel wakes up. He appreciates Ray then, when he can lean on his elbow and watch the rise and fall of the lad’s chest and the flutter of his lashes as he dreams. Pressing his hand to Ray’s warm skin as he sleeps is grounding, feeling that his mate is with him and can keep him safe. That he doesn’t have to pick at his stitches or tug on his hair until it snaps.

He appreciates Ray when the lad’s warm brown eyes first flutter open, a soft smile curling at his mouth as the Omega greets him, voice still rough with sleep in a way that Joel will never see as anything but endearing, and he adores the way Ray tips his face up in a demand for kisses that Joel always gives into, chuckling a little before he pecks the lad’s mouth. Ray likes lazy kisses and cuddles in the morning and Joel likes his mate, so every day starts with Joel steadily inhaling Ray’s soft peppermint scent and licking the taste from his neck, teasing the lad that kissing him is like making out with toothpaste before Ray laughs and jokes back that Joel still definitely needs to brush his fucking teeth.

Once they’ve had their morning fill, they negotiate the bathroom together, playfully nudging each other as they shower and brush their teeth, Joel sometimes having to be poked out of his reverie as he stares at stock reports on his phone with his toothbrush dangling forgotten from his mouth. Joel lets Ray re-bandage his arm every morning, both of them flinching at the obvious black sutures that dot the crescent-moon lines from his teeth, holding them closed as Joel heals but not making him feel any better about the sad look in Ray’s eyes as the lad pats his arm dry from the shower and smears on antibiotic ointment before wrapping Joel up so he won’t pull at his stitches absent-mindedly during the day. Joel always kisses Ray’s forehead when they’re done so the lad will look up at him and smile, because he hates seeing his mate frown because of him and his stupid head.

Then it’s breakfast, the two of them quickly falling into a routine of Joel swallowing coffee and toast while Ray starts his day with the cereal and Red Bull that Joel keeps his kitchen stocked with for the lad.  Neither of them are exactly healthy, but no one’s there to judge them, so they eat curled together on the couch and then spend the morning, and often the afternoon and the evening, tangled in each other comfortably with junk television playing in the background.

So yes, sometimes the apartment is stifling. But Ray’s here, and so Joel is okay.

“I love you, Ray,” he whispers into the Omega’s soft hair, arms around his waist holding the little lad close as they lay spooned on Joel’s couch. Ray chitters softly, shifting in Joel’s grip until they’re nose-to-nose, smiling at each other warmly as their gazes meet. Tipping his chin down, Joel kisses Ray, sliding his tongue and then teeth over the young man’s lips as he pulled him closer. Ray’s hands slide over Joel’s chest, rest on his shoulders as their languid kisses grow heated, the Omega rolling his hips against Joel with a sly grin curving at the mouth the Alpha was in the process of lavishing.

“Love you more, Joel,” Ray mumbles, parting his legs to rub against his Alpha with soft, sweet sounds that draw a growl from the older man. He grips Ray’s hip tight to pull him closer, rolling his hips to meet Ray’s urgent ruts and rumbling in his chest to make the lad chitter for him.

Ray’s head tips back, his silvery bond bite catching Joel’s eyes for a brief second before he leans in to press gentle kisses over the unblemished side of his throat. “Eager kitten,” he growls against Ray’s skin, smirking at the way his lad shudders in his arms, continuing to nibble and kiss at the love bite-stained paleness of his mate’s throat.

Part of Joel itches to bite Ray again, sink his fangs into the other oxytocin-filled gland in the lad’s throat and mark lovely, perfect Ray all over again. He knows he can’t, of course; it’s still silently expected by their society that Joel and Ray find a third mate, someone to round out their pack, and that spot is reserved for that as-of-yet unfound third. Beyond that, he also doesn’t want to make it seem like he’s claiming Ray, closing off the lad’s options and declaring him incontestably Joel’s.

Joel hates that mindset, really does. Ray doesn’t belong to anyone but himself, and their bond bite is nothing more than a symbol of how lucky he is that this lovely Omega has allowed Joel to be his mate, that Ray permitted Joel to mark his skin and receive his mark in return. The whole Alpha-first idea irks Joel to no end; Joel is Ray’s, always Ray’s, forever Ray’s, and nobody’s ideas of proper Alpha-Omega interaction will ever change the older man’s single-minded devotion to his mate’s every whim.

Speaking of Ray’s whims.

A frustrated huff passes Ray’s lips, turning into a whine to rouse Joel from the reverie that made his mouth halt against Ray’s skin. Joel chuckles, giving Ray’s throat one more nip before kissing him properly, groaning when the lad bites his bottom lip in reprimand for zoning out. Ray starts to hike his leg over Joel’s hip, a clear signal for Joel to roll onto his back and let the Omega straddle him, which he does with a smile and a sigh, kissing Ray adoringly as the lad groans against his lips and rolls their hips together.

It’s always fascinated Joel, how Ray’s arousal makes the lad smell almost like a mojito, peppermint and hints of lime and a headiness that makes Joel think of liquor. Beyond the amusement at the fact that Ray smells and almost tastes like a mixed drink but doesn’t touch the stuff, there’s a little thrill through the Alpha that his lover’s scent gains a hint of citrus at times; sure, it’s lime, rather than lemon like Joel, but it makes him feel like there could be something sappy like soulmates out there, when the love of his life gains a scent similar to his own when they fall together.

Ray’s fingers tighten in Joel’s hair and tug at it to draw him out of his mind again, a smirk somewhere between frustrated and fond twisting his soft lips as he looks down at Joel, still rubbing their trapped bulges together in a slow grind. “Joel, am I boring you?” the Omega asks amusedly, watching as his mate comes back to himself, shaking his head when Ray loosens his grip on Joel’s hair to allow the motion.

“Never, kitten,” he promises softly, a grin quirking his own lips. “I was just- just thinkin’ about how fuckin’ pretty you are when you’re all turned on.” Ray’s flushed cheeks darken at the flattery, the tips of his ears reddened as his smile turns shy.

“Asshole,” Ray mumbles as he leans down, fingers raking gently through Joel’s hair as he captures the older man’s mouth again, a slow kiss full of promise and need pressed against his mate’s lips before Ray breaks it to speak again. “As great as the compliment is, I’m really hoping we can hit the bedroom before you go soft from thinking too much,” he drawls lazily, raising an eyebrow at Joel that he returns with an exaggerated look of affront.

“Oh, come on,” Joel protests with a pout, fluttering his lashes as he rests his hand on Ray’s hips, pulling the lad down as he rolls his hips up against him, grinning sharply when the Omega moans. “You trying to say I can’t keep it up, kit? Cuz I, I’m pretty sure you know better.”

Ray goes quiet for a moment before allowing himself to break into breathless giggles, Joel joining in with quiet laughter until they both trail off, planting another soft kiss on Ray’s lips. “So. Bedroom?” the elder suggests with a grin, Ray returning the smirk as he slips off Joel’s lap and blows him a kiss. Joel rolls his eyes and sits up, tossing his feet off the couch before standing to follow his mate.

The Omega is already shirtless and reclined on Joel’s bed when he walks in, his face contorted in exaggerated seductiveness that makes Joel snicker as he tugs off his hoodie, tossing it aside before crawling over Ray. He seems so small, bracketed between Joel’s arms, pale skin shaded from the overhead light by Joel’s broad shoulders and chest, but Joel knows Ray’s size has always been deceitful: the lad’s presence, attitude, and, most especially, heart are larger than anyone could imagine, and Joel loves him for it.

Ray leans up to kiss him, curling his hands over the back of Joel’s neck and shoulders to pull him down, knees spread so their bodies can press together pleasantly. Their hips rock together again before Ray’s impatience moves them along, the lad rolling his lower body up to wrap his legs around Joel’s waist, the move pressing Ray’s ass against Joel’s hard cock and making him groan as he lays his forehead against his mate’s. The Alpha growls lowly, rutting against the warmth of Ray’s body and reveling in the lad’s moans and the heady scent of arousal pouring from his skin, Ray’s little chitters answered with soft rumbles from Joel’s chest.

“Will you just- hurry up and fuck me?” Ray snarls, desperate and frustrated, and Joel can’t help but laugh, slowing the rolls of his hips until Ray snaps his fangs harmlessly in irritation. “Joel, seriously,  _come on_. Don’t be an ass!”

“What did foreplay ever do to you, kitten?” he teases, leaning down to kiss Ray’s face around the lad’s grit teeth as he slowly rocks against him, the friction of so many layers between him and his mate’s body just as infuriating to Joel. He has years of practice, however, far more than his pouting lad, and he can handle waiting.

“This isn’t foreplay, you dick, this is  _teasing_ , and you’ve literally done it for an hour before,” the Omega hisses, nipping Joel’s bottom lip in gentle spite when the man’s chaste kisses get within range of his teeth. “I want my fucking Alpha, all of him, not just his boner giving me a slicked-up wedgie.” Joel stops the movement of his hips and his gentle kisses, making a face down at Ray somewhere between bemusement and disgust.

“Wh-why do you have to say it like that?” It comes out as a whine, and Ray’s annoyance melts away as he giggles at his much older mate complaining like a child. He bumps their noses before kissing away Joel’s petulant frown, warm lips meeting and moving together as the world is forgotten in favor of the intimacy of just them, all wrapped up in one another. Ray breaks the kiss, breaths hot and heavy as he gazes up at his mate, look filled with adoration and need.

“Alpha, please,” he whispers, and Joel’s speechless, nodding dumbly as he leans in for another kiss, sliding his hands over Ray’s thighs and up to his waistband. A gentle push gets the Omega to remove his legs from Joel’s waist so his shorts and boxers can be tugged away, the Alpha following suit with his own clothes until their bodies meet again, hot skin pressed together with nothing in the way, drawing needy noises from both men.

Ray lifts his legs again to hook them around Joel’s waist, cock brushing Joel’s for a brief second before that pleasure is overshadowed by his Alpha slipping a long finger into his wet hole, pumping gently and keeping his lips against Ray’s to swallow the lad’s desperate moans. “Fucking- shit, Joel, _more,”_ he pleads, and Joel nods and obeys, adding a second finger and pressing against Ray’s prostate every few thrusts to make him groan.

“You’re so beautiful, Ray,” Joel whispers, crooking his fingers to watch the lad’s lips part for another needy whimper. He spreads those same slick-stained digits inside Ray, stretching his tight walls and rim until he can finally add a third finger, always wanting to be thorough so he doesn’t hurt his precious mate. The hand Ray has buried in Joel’s hair tightens to a fist, strands straining in the Omega’s grip, but Joel doesn’t mind, cock throbbing as Ray tugs the next time Joel’s fingertips hit his sweet spot.

“Joel, come _on_ , please!” Ray shouts, short nails scraping violently over Joel’s upper back and making the Alpha snarl, but Ray just snaps his fangs back, refusing to bend his neck when he knows that letting Joel tease means he won’t get fucked for about ten more minutes, if not more. Joel presses a gentle kiss to Ray’s lips as he scissors a few final times, making sure the younger is as ready as possible before he drags his fingers out of him, curling them to gather enough slick to lube himself up.

Ray groans at the drag of Joel’s fingertips along his inner walls, teeth tugging at the man’s lower lip to ease the needy itch in his canines, sucking and lapping at it as Joel huffs a low moan and covers his cock in slick. The Alpha turns Ray’s nibbling into a proper kiss before breaking away, softly urging the lad higher on the bed and pushing a pillow under his lower back despite Ray’s wordless noises of protest at Joel’s doting. He just smiles and shakes his head, leaning in to kiss Ray chastely before settling between his legs again, lining himself up with Ray’s wet, glistening entrance.

“I love you, Ray. So damn much,” he murmurs, rubbing his head around the Omega’s sensitive rim just to watch his back arch and his cock jump. Ray’s breath comes out in a rushed whimper, thighs tightening against Joel’s sides as he lifts his head to glare weakly at his mate.

“ _Joel_ ,” he hisses, rolling his hips so that Joel’s tip briefly dips into his wet heat, making the Alpha choke out a groan. “I love you, too, but _fuck-_ ” Joel nods, finally sliding into Ray after his demanding, a bit of a self-satisfied grin tugging at Joel’s mouth as Ray’s head drops back against the bed and the Omega lets out a moan.

“Pretty kitten,” he purrs, his thrust excruciatingly slow, inching himself into Ray until his hips meet the younger’s ass. “All your bitching, but you know; you know how fuckin’ good it is when I get you all warmed up first, don’t you?” Ray pants, nods, and rolls his hips, clenching down on Joel to make the Alpha moan; in turn, Joel leans down to kiss Ray passionately as he softly grips his slim hips, having a hard time focusing on how he had wanted to stall and tease with his mate warm and snug around him.

It’s not the most intimate they could be- no, Joel thinks he prefers intimacy in the quiet moments, the gentle kisses and the warm hugs, the comfort of being together and calm- but connecting like this is definitely nice, especially when Ray chitters at him in a soft plea for attention, nuzzling their noses together after Joel’s been stationary too long for Ray’s liking.

“Joel,” he whines again, rocking his hips as best he can with Joel holding them, trying to move the process along. Joel huffs a laugh, kissing Ray sweetly as he slowly thrusts his hips to meet the eager movements, making the Omega moan at the shallow ruts.

“I’ve got you,” Joel soothes, curling his fingers more firmly into Ray’s hips as he pulls back further, presses in harder, each deeper thrust accompanied by the smack of Joel’s thighs against Ray’s ass and the wet sound of Ray’s slick hole being pounded.

As a personal preference, Joel absolutely hates the second noise, so he focuses on the slap of skin and on angling his thrusts up into Ray’s prostate to make the Omega cry out and moan, covering up everything else with the absolutely beautiful sound of his little mate’s husky, wrecked voice. It’s so easy to get Ray to that low, guttural sound, the thin Omega as full of growls as any Alpha, and Joel loves it, loves _Ray,_ for everything he is and ever will be.

Joel’s body keeps pace even as his mind wanders, fucking into Ray relentlessly as his knot starts to swell; the Omega trembles under his hands and gasps for air, the pressure of Joel’s knot at his rim stealing Ray's breath. He gropes for one of Joel’s wrists, squeezing hard to get the Alpha’s full attention so he can communicate what he wants.

Ray bites back another moan so he can murmur, “I want your knot, Joel. Please, _Alpha,_ ” and Joel’s eyes widen almost comically at the words before he nods, shaggy hair moving with each bob of his head.

“Y-yeah,” Joel breathes, letting up on Ray’s prostate as he fucks deeper, harder, until he finally bottoms out with a whine and his knot locks inside the tight grip of Ray’s body. Nearly overwhelmed with the feeling, Joel rests his head on the lad’s shoulder, mouthing at his skin with more quiet sounds as he ruts shallowly towards his end.

Ray is right on the edge with him, one hand curled around his own cock to stroke himself while the other laces through Joel’s hair, soothing the Alpha’s urgency. Heavy breaths and wordless sounds of pleasure fill the hot air until Ray thumbs his head for the last time and comes, the tense and flutter of his body around Joel making the Alpha release deep inside him as Ray stripes his own belly with seed, both of them making garbled attempts to moan their mate’s name.

Coming down from orgasm is always an ordeal, Joel making soft, concerned sounds as he nuzzles up Ray’s neck to his lips, seeking approval and grounding that Ray has trouble properly providing with his own mind so fried with pleasure. He quietly curses his Omegan biology as he kisses Joel back, slow and sweet, trying to gently pet his hair and assure the Alpha he’d done well, wishing he could hug his mate properly to help calm his nerves; the haze of being knotted, traditionally considered a danger to Omegas, instead feels like it’s hurting his Alpha by making Ray’s limbs heavy and his tongue clumsy when he knows Joel needs steady touches and coherent reassurances. They love each other so much, and Ray knows Joel is reluctant to think about finding a third, but times like this, with Joel’s breaths coming out as whimpers as he tries to nuzzle ever closer to Ray, cement to Ray just how much they _need_ that added stability, to pick up the slack they so struggle with.

For now, Ray lets Joel tuck his head into the curve of his neck and pets his mate’s scalp, whispering how much he loves Joel as they wait for the Alpha’s knot to deflate, and ignores the increasingly-pressing feeling that _something_ needs to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy. Long time no see, guys. I, uh. Wow. This took forever. Turns out I'm not very good at writing smut on my own? Or writing it without angst surrounding it. But, hopefully you guys enjoy! And if you wanna talk to me about this series (or check out my other writings and fancontent), hit me up at batsarts.tumblr.com! Thanks, gorgeous.


	4. Nothing Kills Me More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even with Michael and Geoff fighting, Jeremy and Michael can still make the best of a weekend together. After all, they're mates. They love each other.

One night with Michael is nice.

Jeremy brought him home, his mate’s hand laced with his as he drove, gazing over at Michael whenever he stopped at a red light and finding him smiling back, amber eyes bright and adoring. It was nice to see Michael smile, despite how his strawberry scent was still a bit sour with the same unhappiness that Jeremy knew was dulling his own. They were both still worried about Geoff, he knew, about their distraught Alpha, whom Jack had kindly volunteered to drive home when Michael murmured that he was leaving with Jeremy, barely brushing his lips over Geoff’s cheek before leaving him there to stew in misery and whiskey. Jeremy had tried to be more sympathetic, cupping Geoff’s cheek until he looked up, eyes watery but warm as Jeremy smiled at him, ignoring the stink of stagnant water and alcohol to press a kiss to his lips. He murmured that he loved Geoff before leaving, letting Michael catch his hand once he was out of the office and link their fingers as they walked out to Jeremy’s car.

Michael barely let go of Jeremy’s hand for a second as they got up to his apartment, letting him fumble for his keys one-handed without concern, opening the door and leading Michael into his personal space.

Geoff had let him keep his little one-bedroom apartment, citing when they’d first mated that Alphas needed their space; their own kingdom, as his boss had put it; and Jeremy had to admit he appreciated the consideration. He really did want his own space, as much as he loved Geoff and Michael; a place to go and relax when his mates got overwhelming. It tended to be a frequent event, being exhausted by his handsy Alpha and their attention-seeking Omega; Michael would wander over to Joel and Adam’s office during breaks to drape himself over Jeremy’s back and shoulders, pressing soft kisses over Jeremy’s neck until he couldn’t ignore him anymore, while Geoff preferred to wait for Jeremy to come to him, ambushing him in the Achievement Hunter offices with hungry lips and greedy hands until Jack stepped in and told them to cool it so that work could be done.

Having Michael at home with him was nice, though, chest warm with the unmistakable pride that came with taking care of his mate, of providing for Michael when the lad was upset. They spent a good chunk of time curled together on the couch, Michael’s head on his chest and long legs draped over his lap, Jeremy idly petting through Michael’s curls and ignoring whatever was on TV in favor of smiling down at the lad until his stomach rumbled.

“Mikey, I need you to get up. I’m gonna make dinner,” he murmured, getting only a petulant huff and a tight squeeze around his torso as Michael latched onto him.

“But _Jer,_ ” he complained, the high noise making Jeremy scoff a little as he tried to ignore how Michael was purposefully whimpering like they were in the midst of screwing just to keep him in place. Soft curls brushed his chin as Michael tilted his head up to press kisses against Jeremy’s throat, creeping up to his jaw and over to his ear, a soft nip of his lobe making Jeremy shut his eyes as he tried to inhale steadily.

“Michael, we need to eat, babe. I like cuddles as much as the next guy, but I also like not starving.” He felt Michael’s pout against his skin before the lad pulled back, swinging his legs off Jeremy’s lap and crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at the TV and sulked. There was no resisting the call to comfort the pouting Omega at least a little bit, and Jeremy found himself kissing Michael gently until the lad was smiling against his mouth before breaking away to go get dinner ready. “Love you, Michael.”

“Love you, too, Jer.” The purr in Michael’s voice made Jeremy smile as he headed into the kitchen, pulling the chicken from the fridge that’d been marinating since breakfast that morning.

He turned on his grill to heat up and set the dish of chicken on the countertop before pulling out a bag of carrots and a saucepan, filling the pan with about an inch of water before grabbing a vegetable peeler and a knife and getting to work on washing and peeling the roots. He chopped them into even discs, the motions soothing as he fell into the easy lull of preparing dinner for himself and his mate. The carrots were dropped into the saucepan of water, set on the oven to boil as Jeremy glanced over to the grill, seeing it was heated and gently laying the chicken breasts over it before shutting the top.

He tapped his fingers against the counter, considering what else he could make for himself and Michael, knowing the lad was more used to Geoff’s cooking; an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy suddenly constricted his lungs and made it hard to breathe until he shook his head to clear it from his mind. Jeremy wasn’t inadequate. He was just as good a provider as Geoff, just as good an Alpha for Michael. He was fine.

He opened up his fridge, ignoring the way his stomach dropped at the sight of takeout and leftovers that mostly crowded his shelves, collecting more vegetables for a side salad before shutting the door. More dinner prep lulled him back into comfortable monotony, mind clear as he moved from dish to dish, petting Scooter when the cat wandered through before rinsing his hands and returning his focus to the food. A simple salad, leafy green lettuce tossed with tomatoes, cucumber, and dried cranberries, accompanied honey-glazed carrots and grilled chicken on the plates he set out for himself and Michael, utensils tucked under his thumbs as Jeremy brought them out to the living room, a blush heating his cheeks when Michael looked up from the television and smiled brightly at him.

“Dude, what’s all this? You coulda just made sandwiches, I would’ve been fine!” the Omega protested with laughter in his voice, Jeremy shrugging as he laid the plates on the low coffee table.

“I had the chicken marinating all day, I wasn’t about to waste it,” he murmured, leaning over to press a kiss to Michael’s forehead, taking in the clean sweetness of his strawberry scent before pulling away. “Besides, you’re my mate. You’re worth it.” The pink that tinged Michael’s cheeks was absolutely endearing, the kind of thing that made Jeremy lose track of himself for a moment before wresting back control, fumbling for words in a magnitude only Ryan usually managed and causing Michael to giggle.

“You alright there, Jer?”

“Oh, shuddup,” he grumbled, rubbing at his beard to cover the sheepish grin that had split across his face at Michael’s teasing. “You want somethin’ to drink or what?”

They eat and watch TV and drink before curling up in Jeremy’s bed for the night, trading lazy kisses when they wake up before showing, eating breakfast, and heading to work.

Jeremy’s disappointed when Michael still won’t talk to Geoff, the older Alpha looking dejectedly at their Omega when Michael goes straight to his desk without so much as a glance. Holding back a sigh, Jeremy kisses Geoff and murmurs that he loves him before leaving for Adam and Joel’s office, the room eerily quietly without the oldest Alpha there, Adam looking stressed when he finally gets in. The young Alpha cares a lot about Joel; it’s obvious to almost everyone _but_ Joel that Adam has feelings for him; but Jeremy doesn’t comment on it beyond greeting Adam and murmuring that he hopes he’s alright.

Jeremy honestly doesn’t expect to bring Michael home again; he’d hoped that Michael and Geoff would make up during the day; but Geoff is angrily packing his things when Jeremy gets to the main office, and Michael is already packed and waiting for Jeremy. “Let’s go, J,” the Omega chirps, trying to be cheerful, but Jeremy can smell the sour stench of unripe strawberries rolling off Michael’s skin, and the smell of ozone from Geoff that makes the hairs on Jeremy’s neck stand up straight.

“I-” Jeremy pauses, brows knitting as he tries to come up with a reason to convince Michael to go home to Geoff. Not that he doesn’t love being around Michael, he just- he doesn’t like coming between his mates. They were mates first, they love each other. “It’s Friday, are you sure you don’t need to go home to get, like, clothes or something?”

It’s a weak excuse and both young men know it, Michael’s lips pursing as he regards Jeremy. “I’ve got some stuff left at your place still, and if I really need shit, I’ll pay for laundry. C’mon.” He takes Jeremy’s hand and tugs him out of the room before Jeremy can even give Geoff a proper goodbye, his heart aching as he watches Geoff’s shoulders slump before the door falls shut, cutting off his view.

The weekend isn’t going to be good. Jeremy can feel it already.

Things really go bad sometime after dinner, though dinner is what _initially_ stresses Jeremy out. Michael insists he’s fine with leftovers, even though Jeremy really wants to make something new or even order out, something, so he’s not just feeding Michael old food like an irresponsible jackass. He wants to provide, dammit, and, despite Michael saying he’s okay, Jeremy kind of feels like a failure. Just a little bit.

But after dinner, when Jeremy’s cleaned away their plates and started the dishwasher and starts feeling a little better, when he sits down with Michael on the couch and cuddles the Omega close, that’s when things go bad.

Michael’s heady strawberry wine scent reaches Jeremy’s nose only seconds before the lad climbs into Jeremy’s lap, straddling him and leaning down to capture Jeremy’s lips in a deep kiss that the young Alpha is happy to return. He rests one hand at Michael’s hip and the other at the small of his back, fangs gently nipping at Michael’s lower lip and making the redhead squirm in Jeremy’s lap, laughing breathlessly against his lips, “What is with you and those teeth, J?”

Jeremy chuckles right back, shaking his head a little. “Like you aren’t the same. It’s gotta be a New England thing.” They both laugh, foreheads pressed together sweetly, until they’re breathless; Michael looks down at Jeremy fondly, his pupils still wide as he licks his lips.

“My buff Boston boy,” Michael teases, voice low as he cups Jeremy’s face with one hand, the other gripping his shoulder, his fingertips rubbing circles against one of Jeremy’s traps. It eases some of Jeremy’s tension, helps him relax after the stress of the day and the self-inflicted stress of dinner.

“I didn’t have time to come up with a good nickname. Sorry, babe.” Jeremy finds himself smiling as Michael laughs, dropping another kiss on Jeremy’s lips.

“All you gotta call me is Omega.”

That…

That makes Jeremy nervous.

He doesn’t know why, but something about the phrase just unsettles Jeremy, makes his skin crawl a little and dampens the fire that Michael sitting in his lap had stoked. The feeling nags at the back of Jeremy’s mind, though Michael’s continued kisses help to quiet it, and the way Michael’s hips move, and the way Michael moans against Jeremy’s mouth, and the way the smell of his strawberry wine arousal surrounds Jeremy, and just-

Just Michael, all of him, makes Jeremy’s worry less, makes Jeremy more comfortable as the space between them grows hotter, all slick kisses and grasping hands, Jeremy tugging Michael’s hips down as the Omega rocks against him, making the friction that much sweeter. Michael whines, breaking their kiss to tug his shirt off, giving Jeremy access to more of the freckle-spattered skin that he so loves to kiss and nip at, drawing more noises from the older lad.

Jeremy’s almost forgotten his worry, but then he squeezes Michael’s hips and sucks a dark mark over Michael’s collarbone and the man moans for him.

“ _Alpha_.”

Something locks up inside Jeremy; he stops pulling Michael down, stops rolling his hips up to meet his mate’s, stops _breathing-_ one simple word wraps around Jeremy’s chest and squeezes like a vise, leaves him choking out a whimper that Michael chuckles at before he realizes it’s distressed and not needy. The Omega pulls back slowly, brows knit as he looks down at his mate, sees how white his face has gone, how his broad shoulders are starting to shake.

“Alpha?” Michael repeats, questioning, concerned, and Jeremy shuts his eyes and shudders.

“Michael, I- I’m not feeling it tonight,” the younger man mutters, pulling his hands off of Michael’s hips and curling them into fists to try and hide their trembling. The abrupt change is- concerning, to say the least, but Michael nods and leans in to kiss Jeremy’s forehead before slipping off his lap, retrieving his shirt off the living room floor to tug back on. He sits on the couch again, next to Jeremy, and takes his hand, rubbing his thumb across the younger man’s knuckles, hoping to soothe his shaking, get his rotted wood scent back to the clean smell of fresh-cut lumber.

They sit in silence for a long moment before Michael asks, “Do you wanna talk about it, Jer?” But Jeremy just shakes his head, lips pressed together, shoulders still tight.

“I’m alright. Just not feelin’ it.” They both know it’s a lie, with the monotone way Jeremy repeats himself, but Michael doesn’t push. “Thanks for understanding.”

“Jeremy,” Michael starts, looking pained, his scent rotting to match his mate’s, worried about the upset Alpha, “babe, I wouldn’t push you like that. Just like I know you wouldn’t try to do that shit to me.” The younger lad nods, squeezing Michael’s hand softly.

“Still. Thanks.”

They sit like that a while longer, Jeremy leaning his head on Michael’s shoulder, Michael stroking his mate’s knuckles, until one of them yawns, and then the other, and then they’re both yawning and laughing and trading chaste kisses as they trail into Jeremy’s bedroom and curl up together for the night.

* * *

When Michael wakes up Saturday morning, the bed is cold beside him, which is surprising; usually he’s up before anyone else; but he wouldn’t put it past Jeremy to have gotten up to make pancakes or something else cute like that. He lays there a while longer, scratching at his belly and ruffling his hand through his curls, before he realizes that the apartment is silent. The Omega freezes, skin prickling and a quiet dread sitting like a stone in his gut, before he gets out of bed, padding out of Jeremy’s bedroom and down the hall.

The Alpha is curled up on his couch under a spare blanket, one arm pillowed under his head and the other covering his face, and Michael’s heart aches at the sight. He doesn’t know when Jeremy left the bed, doesn’t know why Jeremy felt like he had to sleep on the couch, but it hurts.

But Michael doesn’t wake him. Michael moves to the kitchen, pulls eggs and and bread and bacon from Jeremy’s fridge, starts cooking them breakfast. He scrambles himself eggs, cooks in some cheese, and then makes a few over-easy for Jeremy, sliding them onto a plate and covering them with the lid of a pan to keep in the warmth while he slaps bacon into the pan. Content with how it’s sizzling, Michael snags a bite of his own eggs before moving to put bread in the toaster, humming as he does.

His smile drops when he realizes it’s the same tune Geoff usually hums when they cook together, shaking his head a little before choosing some annoying poppy song to hum, rocking his body a little in an early morning approximation of dance. Michael flips the bacon and butters the toast when it pops, sliding two slices on each plate, taking a bite of his own and singing the chorus of his chosen replacement song through a mouthful, a smile finally crossing his face as he plates the cooked bacon. A shuffling noise catches his attention as he rummages through the fridge for orange juice, and when he straightens up, Jeremy is standing in the kitchen, rubbing his eyes a little.

“Morning, babe,” Michael hums, grabbing glasses from the cabinet and pouring juice for the both of them, offering Jeremy one that his boyfriend takes with a sleepy little smile.

“Hey, Michael,” he mumbles, sipping his juice before setting it down and leaning up to kiss Michael gently. When they break, they look at each other for a long moment, both struggling for words that neither of them end up saying. Michael kisses Jeremy again before turning back to the food he made, presenting the young Alpha with his plate with a bright smile.

“I made breakfast!” Jeremy’s brows knit a little, Michael notes, but the younger lad still smiles up at him, grabbing a fork for himself before sitting at his small kitchen table.

“Thanks, Mikey. It’s awesome,” he mumbles around a forkful of egg he’s somehow already shoved in his face, getting a bright laugh from his mate as Jeremy’s enthusiasm washes away some of Michael’s worry. He grabs his own plate and sits across from Jeremy, poking the Alpha’s shin with his toes and drawing a huge grin from the younger lad, his cheeks bulging with food.

Despite how well breakfast goes, the tone of the weekend is still off.

Jeremy makes lunch and then pays for the takeout they get for dinner, waving off Michael’s offer to split the bill with a warm smile but a panicked look in his eyes.

Michael feels Jeremy tense when, half-asleep, he calls the younger man “Alpha.”

Jeremy is up before Michael on Sunday, so it’s not a sure thing, but he’s fairly certain that the Alpha slept in the living room again, judging by the lack of an indent in Jeremy’s pillow and the too-neat look of the couch, pillows orderly and throw blanket folded nicely.

Neither of them say a word about it to each other, but Michael is still heartsick and worried when Jeremy drops him in the office Monday, lightly kissing the Omega’s cheek and then Geoff’s before Jeremy leaves for Joel and Adam’s office. The two older men give each other the barest glances, worry mirrored on each other’s faces, before looking away.

He’s already fighting with Geoff; Michael doesn’t know if he can handle losing another mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took. Forever. I'm so sorry. I had a lot going on and it took me a while to kick myself back into gear with writing. But I'm back on the bandwagon and I'm actually really excited for the next few chapters, so thanks for sticking with me, y'all.


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